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User blog:TayMarie/Brittany Kerns - Loss of a loved one.
The day I lost my father was very hard for me. I was only 6 years old. I didn't know much back then. I didn't know what cancer was or why he had to have it. I still don't know why cancer chose him. But I do now know that my father is in a better place. He was my bestfriend. I loved him very much. I was his little girl & he was my hero. It's been 9 years since my father has left me & my mother & passed on. I was so young & so was he. My mother keeps me company though, and I try my best to do the same for her. She's my bestfriend now. We have became so close since the day my fathers life was tooken but things have also gotten so lonley.. Cancer, I hate you. ---------------------------------------------------------------- "Good morning students, Hope you all are excited for the junior prom for the 8th graders this weekend on saturday. The theme is Hollywood night so dress as fancy as you can be." The secretary announced over the intercom at Jayson Mark Middle/High school. "I'm so excited! We need to go dress shopping together brit!" My bestfriend, Mandy Boller exclaimed. We were getting our books for our next class out of the locker we were sharing. Our locker was very clean because both me & Mandy are very organized people. I think that's one of the reason's we're such good friends. "I know! I'll call my mom & see if we can go shopping after school?" I say, getting out my phone & typing in my mother's cell phone number. "Okay. I'll call my mom & ask too!" She also gets out her phone & dials her moms number, i'm guessing thats the number she's typing in right now at least. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After school, My mom, Mandy & I went out to eat then went dress shopping for junior prom. I was really excited to go to prom this year, but I kept thinking about my dad & how I wish he could be here to help pick out my dress. I know this is a girly thing to do but still, this is a big moment for me. I'll be a freshman next year! & he won't be here to see me go into high school on my own.. Mandy & I try on alot of dresses & find no luck yet. We walk into Debs next to go for our next hunt for that "perfect dress". "Mom, Mandy & I are going to look in the back of the store ok?" "Okay sweetheart, just text me when your done." I nodd & take Mandy's hand & we run to the back of the store where we see formal dresses in all different sizes & colors & designs. "What color are you specifically looking for Brit?" Mandy asks while looking at a hot pink dress with ruffles on the bottom. "Well, Noah's favorite color is blue so.. something blue or something with blue on it." I giggle and smile at the thought of Noah Ethan. He's my boyfriend of almost 3 months. He's a grade higher than me. I met him at the park one day. I was upset & crying but trying not to show it. Noah was jogging around the park & stopped to ask me if I was okay. I couldn't make out words so I just wrapped my arms around his waist & layed my head down on his chest. He was really sweet. He listened to me share my feelings about why I was sad & after that we kept hanging out more & more & becoming closer & closer each time & soon, we became an "us". "You guys are too cute." Mandy smiled, now looking at a yellow dress. "I think so too." I said smiling like an idiot. "That dress would be cute on you!" "You think?" She put it up to her chest so she could imagine how it would look on her. "Yeah! It's cute girl." "Cool. So, I have my dress. Now, lets find yours!" We looked around for what felt like 30 minutes until we came across this goergous this silky, dark blue dress. It has a diamond in the middle & it has a few ruffles in the chest area. First glance, & I fell in love with the dress. Kind of like how I felt when I first met Noah. "This is the dress." Mandy nodded, agreeing with me. I picked up the dress & found my mom in the makeup area. When she saw the dress her mouth was left wide open. "Oh! This is just goergous honey! This will be beautiful on you!" "Do you like mine?" Mandy asked, showing my mom her yellow short, silky dress. "Yes, thats beautiful too! Good job guys! You ready to go home now?" Mandy & I both nodded. I was tired, & i'm sure she was too! We've been shopping for like 4 hours just to look for two perfect dresses. We bought the dresses & went back home. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At home, Looking at the dress hanging up on my bedroom door is making me both happy & sad at the same time. I lean over on my bed stand & grab the picture of me on my father's shoulders. I feel a hot tear run down the side of my cheek. I down bother to wipe it away, I'm too busy remembering that moment when I was on my fathers shoulders, feeling high as bird. Almost like I was free, & protected. The next thing I know, I'm turned over, holding the picture tightly & crying myself to sleep. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ''BEEP BEEP BEEP. ''I hear the alarm clock go off. I slam my hand over the snooze button, wipe my eyes then get out of bed yawning. I am so tired, I have to force my self to the bathroom. I brush my teeth, wash my face, brush my hair, straighten it, do my makeup, put shorts & a tanktop on then get the backpack & eat cereal. "I heard someone sobbing in your room last night.." My mom says while making herself a bowl of cereal. "Yeah.." "Wanna talk about it?" "There's not much to say other than I miss daddy." I get up and put my bowl in the sink. "We all do babydoll." "I know.." I give her a kiss on her cheek then leave for school. I walk down a block or so to Mandy's house. She's comming out her front door, looking pretty as always! "Hey! So guess what!" She says excitedly walking fastley towards me." "What?" "I'm going to prom with Greg!" "Awe! Cute!" I hug her. We walk to school which is right across the street. "How did that happen?" "He asked me last night!" "I'm happy for you Manders." "Me too" She smiles. "But.. don't get mad at me but.. Amy wants me to go to her house saturday & get ready with her for prom & have Greg & Dustin just pick us up at her house.." "Why?!" "I don't know, but I don't want to be mean to her & tell her no.." "Whatever. Do what you want.. that's fine." "Okay..I'm sorry Brit. I'll see you when I get there tho!" She pats me on my back & runs off through the school doors. Amy is one of our bestfriends but me & her don't really get along as well as Mandy & her do. I'm upset because she made Mandy change our plans. Then I see a cute boy with long hair covering his eyes walking towards me & I realize it's Noah. My mood shifts & I get butterflies in my stomach. "Hey beautiful." He says, smiling that smile that makes me want to do 10 back flips. He gently grabs my unpainted hands & kisses them. I absolutley love when he does this! He never makes me feel unloved. I love it. "Hey babe." I step on my tiptoes & kiss his cheek. He leads me to a table in the cafeteria. This is where everyone hangs out before the first bell rings. "How was your night?" "It was fine. I got my dress! Your gonna love it." "Am I? Whats it look like?" "I'm not telling you! Your just gonna have to wait." I tease him. "Ugh! Well then.." He laughs. I do too. "Are you excited about tomorrow night?" I nodd. "I just wish my dad could be here to see me in my dress.." Noah wraps his arms around me & brushes my hair with his fingers. "I know you do. But he's watching you every step of the way brit." "Yeah. Your right." I kiss his soft lips & suddenly feel all better. This is why he's my man. The bell rings & we stand up & he walks me to my first hour. I know everything's going to be okay if I just remember that my father is by my side at all times.. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Today's the big day. The night that represents that my days in middle school are soon over. I'm on the phone with Mandy & Amy talking in the background. "Yeah, Amy's dress is so pretty. It's sea green and ties around her neck. She looks goergous in it!" "Thats good." I say, acting happy for her. But could really care less. My cousin is doing my nails right now, She's painting them the same color as my dress. They look good so far. "Yeah, Amy's mom let me wear one of her necklaces! It's cute & goes well with my dress." "Thats good." "Yeah.. are you okay?" "Yup." "Okay.. well, me & Amy are gonna finish getting ready. See you tonight! We love you!" "Okay. Love you too. Bye." I hang up. "I thought Mandy was going to get ready at your house?" My cousin Terri asks me. "Yeah.. I thought so too but yesterday I guess Amy asked her to go to her house instead.." I roll my eyes. "It's whatever though you know, I have my family & My boyfriend, that's all that matters." "Yeah!" She smiles. ------------------------------------------------ I'm all ready now, I have my dress and shoes on. I have my makeup, hair & nails done now. I go in my room to look at the photograph of me & my father again. "I hope your proud of me daddy.. I love you." I hope he hears me. I try not to cry because if I do my makeup will be ruined & I don't want to make Terri re-do it. I don't want my mom or Noah know iv been crying either. I like to show people I can be strong & not weak sometimes. If they see iv been weak, it makes me feel even more terrible. I kiss the picture & make my way outside where my prince is waiting for me. He's smiling at me, His blue eyes are peaking at me through his long hair that always gets in the way of his face. This makes me smile. "Your right, I love the dress." He says to me after I make my way to him. I wrap my arms around him & lay my head in his chest & smell the scent that I love so much.. HIM. "Your so beautiful Brit." "Thank you baby." I smile a very cheesy smile that I cannot control. "Your too sweet to me." "Sorry, I'll stop. You look.. Fine Brittany." He says teasing me. "Ugh!" I playfully hit him. We laugh together as his lays his chin on my head. "Okay guys, Get together! & say cheese!" My mom exclaims holding up her camera. Noah & I remain staring eachother in the eyes though. ---------------------------------------- When we make it to prom, Mandy & Amy are dancing to a song I don't know that well inside. I can't help but smile, I feel like this night can't get any worse. We all dance to our favorite songs, & when slow songs come on, Noah & I go on the dance floor holding eachother tight, loving eachother's prescence. During a song though, as I was laying my head on Noah's shoulder, I could of swore I saw my daddy's face across the room. "Dad?" I ask, looking up from Noah's shoulder. "What?" Noah asks. "I coulda swore.." I look more closely & see nothing there anymore. "Nevermind, Nothing." "You sure?" I nodd & feel Noah kiss the top of my head & I silently cry of happiness. My dad IS watching over me & I could feel his prescence in this very room with me right now. "I love you daddy." I whisper. I know he can hear me. I can just feel it. This night is perfect. I have my bestfriends dancing with me, my boyfriend holding me & my dad looking above me. I can't help but to put a smile on my face. Category:Blog posts Category:Fanfiction